what 2-year-in-Malaysia brings me into

to be completely honest, my first motivation to study abroad is to start over. when i made this decision, through a very-long email i sent to my parents, i was in my lowest point EVER in my life. i was a stubborn high schooler, i hated my high school, i couldnt stand the thought of studying for UAN and UAS, and i couldnt stand the thought of living 1 more year in my high school, and lastly, the bf cheated on me. then, the thought of 'starting over abroad' and 'leaving all problems behind' started to come in. and when i made my decision, there came Jakarta International College in my life. i went to Monash College in Jakarta.

Monash College, however, came with another problem. when i thought college should be much easier than high school, i was COMPLETELY WRONG. haha. no, it is not easier. n i shouldve knowned or at least expected this when i saw Monash is the best 67th university worldwide. but of course, at that time, being a person who 'never-study-but-always-get-ranking-in-class', believed that i could pass that easily. my confidence even went to a level that i didnt want Monash, who was ‘only’ the 3rd best uni within Australia. I want Australian National University, who is the best. *luckily i didnt go to that uni or i would be bald by now hahaha* and my response now, after I barely passed through my last semester in Monash --> HAHAHAHAHA. *tertawa miris*. its when u realised you are not the most clever person, tesa. its DAMN difficult for you to even get an A in this shitty uni, while there are others who can only blink an eye and get all those As. ada langit di atas langit. and that, my friends, is always true, in every aspects of ur life.

and then my life in Malaysia began. well, if i thought uni will be the same as college, i was wrong, AGAIN. uni sucks. its MUCH MORE difficult than college. and seriously, you wont want to enter to a course when you are their first batch of students. kaya kelinci percobaan. you will be faced by teachers who never taught the unit, they have no idea what and how the exams will be, etc etc. and you end up with.... online lectures from australia. cause lecturers in australia are the ones who make the exams, the answer key, the ones who mark the assignments, etc. and its impossible to know what they expect if you never listen to their lectures, isnt it? 

realising uni sucks and getting an A is difficult, i started to question my decision to study here. while many of my friends in Jakarta can still go watch movies, tv series, go to malls, etc several days before UAS and still get As, i must start ATLEAST 2 weeks before the exam period starts to only have a hope to get As. hahaha. its..... difficult. and the thought of me must endure this kind of life for 4 more semesters tore me apart. at that time i was only on my second year first semester, and at that time i didnt even want to imagine what my last semester will be like *but hey! its me writing all of this trash now! i passed my last semester in monash! yeay!*

first semester came with all tears *literally* from my desparation. but i was lucky to have my parents who fully supported me. they always say its not to be the worst or the best in class that matters, its to be my best that matters. they also always said that the important thing is to giest the knowledge. i must UNDERSTAND the unit, not simpy just memorising but dont understand a thing and get As. and there it goes, with the thought of 'do my best, do my best, do my best' and 'knowledge, understand, knowledge, understand' i can barely, with all tears and desperation, went through my Monash life. and about the marks, im not the highest in scores. i get As and Bs and 1 C. hahaha. there are many people who have higher marks than me and there are a lot too that are lower. but hey, i passed, i did my best, i understand what i study. and if accounting and this degree turned out to be not for me, its for God and for my parents.

despite my questioning of my decision to study abroad, i must admit that studying here broadens my perspective. i must say that i was 'trained' in only one type of environment. my entire school life is in Penabur, dominantly Christian, and not that berandalan, and the social gap between those who has incredibly much money and those who have less is not that huge *at least from what i understood*. and i socialise a lot in my church. im not saying that im very Christian, in fact im not, but being in this type of environment at least 'train' my mind to be not too secular.

but studying here opens my mind, a lot. the very huge social gaps, that free sex is not unusual, that looks and money are considered more important than characters *especially when talking about relationships*, that people who share their belief in Christ explicitly are considered nerds, that smoking and weed is usual, that there are people who go to church every sundays AND go to komsel regularly also go to clubs every Fridays or Saturdays, that it is usual for people to be racist, that it is usual for people to separate others to their own perspective levels *those who are gaul-gaul banget-freak-nerd, tajir-miskin-biasa aja, tiko-chinese, cina kampung-cina gaul, anak selatan-anak timur*, that wearing branded things matter A LOT. Well, who am I to judge. All I can say is that im grateful to have my Godly parents and Godly friends from Jakarta. im not Godly, no im not. But its them who remind me a lot to atleast try to be more towards Godly. Its my community in Jakarta *who at first I tried to run from* that constantly reminds me to always be grateful *though implicitly*, to pray and to be more Godly *though I often ignore them*, to give the ‘Godly perspective’ everytime I share some problems I face in Malaysia *hence balancing all inputs hahaha. I must admit, without trying to judge, that inputs from my friends here are sometimes too secular*.

Also, my community in Jakarta, without them knowing, has helped me A LOT. I can never endure studying in Monash if I never went teaching Bimbel for my church. Its completely heartbreaking that there are a lot of people who want to study but don’t have the resources to. Its also heartbreaking to see there are loads of people who have brilliant brain but they cant afford proper education. It is something, and it is heartbreaking. It makes you think... you have the resources to study. Some of you even can study abroad. And who are you to complain, seriously? Im lucky enough to have the chance to study! So stop complaining. And besides the ‘do the best’, ‘knowledge and understand’ thingy, this is one of the biggest motivations when I am angry at Monash. Haha.

To be able to come back to Jakarta every semester is a blessing. Its when I get my mind resetted, its when I get my mind refreshed. I cant imagine how I would be like if I went to Australia hence cant afford to go back every semester.

What 2 years in Malaysia brings is that I finally believe that i want to settle in Jakarta. of course I know can also do all social works in Malaysia, be active in my church in every country I live in and meet the ‘right’ people everywhere. I actually have experienced it once when I went to help Ketchara in Malaysia the other day. But im Indonesian and when I help, I want to help my country, don’t you?

Loads of people might also say ‘u have every chance to work abroad, why on earth you want to work in Indonesia? The rate is much lower even when compared with Malaysia!’ well, I agree. im kinda shocked hearing how much company pays for fresh graduates. Lol its even lower than interns’ rate in Malaysia. However, I don’t think that studying abroad is a waste. I know well enough that education is much better abroad, and Indonesian education kinda sucks. No offense, but I mean it. I want to give back to Indonesia, that’s it. I know well enough that there are loads of intelligent people from Indonesia working successfully abroad. I know few of them wont think even once to go back to Indonesia. But teaching bimbel has influenced me more than I thought it would. I want to bring better education in Indonesia. At least that’s my long term goal *though I haven’t even sent a single CV .____. Tesa oh tesa. Big dream wont ever be achieved if you don’t even start*

well, i must also say that 2 years in malaysia made me realise that i LOVEEE jakarta *and all its food*. i LOVEEEE my friends and i LOVEEE my church. and above all, i LOVEEEE my parents. i grow up disliking all what my parents said. now, im longing to say thanks to what they have said. and lastly, I LOVEEEE my brother. I also grow up arguing with him *we sometimes still* but sharing certain problems in Malaysia with him makes me realise that he is wiser that I can ever imagine.

oh! Im writing this on 7^th December, but Im going to post it on 9^th December, after my results are out.

Hence i can produce the first ever writing in my life and sign it as,

Teresa Sania, B. Com (Acc)

HAHAHA. i know. its silly. you all can laugh. but really, its one thing in the world that i work really hard on to get and its one thing in the world that i know i did my every best to achieve. haha. when i look at my report books from my secondary or high school, no im not proud of it tho it says ive achieved some ranks whatsoever. i know i did not do my best to achieve all those and no im not proud of those. this one, i know im not the first or the second best etc, one thing i know, i put all my sweat and effort to get this. 

so yes.

Best regards,

Teresa Sania, B. Com (Acc)






HAHAHA. its still funny to read this......