ive been working like hell. well, the consequences of being an auditor. i dont say i hate my job. but im sure i cant say i love my job. it's..... full of contradictions with my habit and with myself. for example, im a person who need sleep to just concentrate. auditors? can work 24 hours if needed. and im blessed to have clients who kick us out after 7pm *i guess its to cut their cost of electricity or rental or whatever but im grateful for whatever reasons they have*. i cant understand how all those other people can still work after 7pm. me? im burnt out after 7. i cant concentrate. its best for me to have a good 1 hour nap and then back to work. but of course i cant have a nap while my other colleagues are working their asses off, right? and auditors.. they r very hard to trust clients. well, not saying auditors are bad people. but it's just how they must act. it's the procedures. it's the way auditors work. they question every data given by clients. they recalculate and test every excel given by client. urgh. i mean. well, not every people cheat. its like suspecting people doing something AND you dont even know the people. how can u have the right to suspect them doing something bad if you dont even know them? *or is it because of we dont know then we suspect everything?* well, whichever, i dont like suspecting people.
oh then its out of topic.
im shocked its june. being an auditor means you work until night. and as i said, im burnt out after 7. that means after i reach home, i will just eat, bathe, and directly go to sleep. i barely have time for myself like i always did. i dont reply my friends' chat, i dont update my blog, i dont do church activities, i dont skype with my abroad friends, i just... work and sleep. i feel like im a machine. and here im sitting and thinking what good have i done to others in these 6 months? nothing. well i do 'good' to clients. i, in a very small portion, provide value for their companies *tho they hate me for requesting too many data. well im sorry its procedural hahhaha*. but really. this auditing thing is just a way for them to make more profit. its bulshit when they do their bigtalks that theyre doing something for the environment or for their employees or for the citizens. at the end, its the image and its the profit *or at least thats what ethics subject in uni taught me*.
the real question is, what GOOD have i done to others who are struggling to live? haha. those big companies can eat millions-for-a-plate food every day without me, even without my seniors and my managers and my partners.
there's this quote that has been bothering me. i forgot the exact saying but the point is that 'you dont really live until you have done something to someone who can never pay you back'. and that's true! i mean. what's the point of living in a world full of people when what you do everyday is to just enlarge urself *by only working and doing nothing else except work?*
and that is still the biggest question for now hahahha.
okay i really must get back to work.
