time passes hell too fast. its June! half of 2014 has gone! and here's me sitting in my client's office using my client's connection to work update my blog. ha. ha. ha.
ive been working like hell. well, the consequences of being an auditor. i dont say i hate my job. but im sure i cant say i love my job. it's..... full of contradictions with my habit and with myself. for example, im a person who need sleep to just concentrate. auditors? can work 24 hours if needed. and im blessed to have clients who kick us out after 7pm *i guess its to cut their cost of electricity or rental or whatever but im grateful for whatever reasons they have*. i cant understand how all those other people can still work after 7pm. me? im burnt out after 7. i cant concentrate. its best for me to have a good 1 hour nap and then back to work. but of course i cant have a nap while my other colleagues are working their asses off, right? and auditors.. they r very hard to trust clients. well, not saying auditors are bad people. but it's just how they must act. it's the procedures. it's the way auditors work. they question every data given by clients. they recalculate and test every excel given by client. urgh. i mean. well, not every people cheat. its like suspecting people doing something AND you dont even know the people. how can u have the right to suspect them doing something bad if you dont even know them? *or is it because of we dont know then we suspect everything?* well, whichever, i dont like suspecting people.
oh then its out of topic.
im shocked its june. being an auditor means you work until night. and as i said, im burnt out after 7. that means after i reach home, i will just eat, bathe, and directly go to sleep. i barely have time for myself like i always did. i dont reply my friends' chat, i dont update my blog, i dont do church activities, i dont skype with my abroad friends, i just... work and sleep. i feel like im a machine. and here im sitting and thinking what good have i done to others in these 6 months? nothing. well i do 'good' to clients. i, in a very small portion, provide value for their companies *tho they hate me for requesting too many data. well im sorry its procedural hahhaha*. but really. this auditing thing is just a way for them to make more profit. its bulshit when they do their bigtalks that theyre doing something for the environment or for their employees or for the citizens. at the end, its the image and its the profit *or at least thats what ethics subject in uni taught me*.
the real question is, what GOOD have i done to others who are struggling to live? haha. those big companies can eat millions-for-a-plate food every day without me, even without my seniors and my managers and my partners.
there's this quote that has been bothering me. i forgot the exact saying but the point is that 'you dont really live until you have done something to someone who can never pay you back'. and that's true! i mean. what's the point of living in a world full of people when what you do everyday is to just enlarge urself *by only working and doing nothing else except work?*
and that is still the biggest question for now hahahha.
okay i really must get back to work.
beberapa waktu lalu, pacarnya temen SD saya update 1 post di blognya *yang dikhususkan buat cewenya* dan diakhiri dengan 1 quote:
"For anything worth having one must pay the price; and the price is always work, patience, love, self-sacrifice" -John Burrough-
dan menurut saya, itu bener.
saya uda 4x pacaran. hahaha. and the second taught me this best. mungkin karna that was the first time i really liked someone. then i loved him hard. then i fell REALLY hard when we broke up. but thats not the point im writing this anw. so..
menurut kesotoyan seorang teresa sania,
you love someone when...
lu uda kelar belajar buat ulangan geografi besok, tapi lu buat ringkasan sampe jam stengah 3 pagi *inget pas SMA masuk jam stg7* buat laki lu karna lu tau dia belom belajar n dia uda ada 13 nilai merah pas ambil rapot mid.
n pas pulang sekolah lu tanya dia bisa ato ngga ulangan, dia jawab ngga. trs pas lu tanya dibaca ga itu ringkasan, dia bilang ngga. tapi lu ga marah. lu sedih n khawatir dia dapet merah lagi ato ngga.
lu anter pacar lu pulang ke rumahnya yang nunjauh disana padahal rumah lu dari sekolah jalan kaki 5 menit juga sampe.
lu beli kado buat pacar lu sesuatu yang sedemikian mahalnya yang kalo lu beli buat lu sendiri aja ga bakal mau. kenapa? simply karna pengen dia seneng.
lu tungguin pacar lu dari sebelom jam stg5 n mondar mandir di mall ga jelas demi ga kena 3 in 1 *3 in 1 starts at 4.30pm and ends at 7.00 pm* padahal pacar lu kelar kerjanya baru ntar jam stengah 6 an.
lu lagi exam kuliah, lu LDR beda waktu 4 jam (misal kalo di gw jam 3 sore disana jam 7 malem), and dia tungguin lu belajar sampe kelar, even kalo sampe jam 1 pagi. ato lu bangun pagi2 duluan biar bisa say "good luck for ur exam today!" pas dia exam jam stg9 pagi (means harus bangun jam stg5).
lu lagi exam. lu orangnya suka pusing kalo kurang tidur. tapi begadang berhari2. bukan buat exam doang, tapi buat bikin scrapbook. sampe pas exam sakit.
whats the point of all this?
RELATIONSHIP NEEDS SACRIFICE.
when ur not ready to give any, dont say u love someone. this way u have 2 hearts less to break. yours, and theirs.
its often said that people forget God when they are happy, then they will all crazily pray and try to reach God when they are in difficulties.
me?
no.
its weird, but i tend to forget God when im in difficult situation. i tend to blame myself for every bad thing happened and i dont dare blaming others, especially God. but i always remember that it is God's grace when i receive every good thing. its always in my mind that we, human, cant do exceptionally great without His grace.
neither one is good, coz ideally we should give thanks to God in our happiness and difficulties *am i right?*
now that im exactly one month in Jakarta, im seeing my life backwards. n it comes to one conclusion --> theres A LOT of good things i received that i dont think i deserve. i cant say it one by one *cause it will include many names*, but there are A LOT.
first thing, my results for my last semester in Monash. HA. i think it would be my worst semester simply because its my last. im as lazy as those bears in winter. what i only wanted was just to graduate and i didnt even think about the marks i would get. but then. it turned out to be the best mark ive ever. EVER. EVER got in Monash, counting also my Monash College life. wellllll what else can i say beside its a blessing? im not lucky, no! a lot of people consider me as lucky, but i dont dare calling myself lucky. im blessed.
last thing, IVE GOT A JOB! hahahha can you believe that? last time i posted in my blog, i said i havent sent any CV but now ive got a job. and a great one. what else can i say? im blessed. its really a blessing. ive got interviews and ive done some tests with those big companies, while i expect that i would be unemployed for at least 3 months.
there are many others, but sharing it will call my names so i prefer not to.
all i can say is that im blessed and im beyond grateful. i cant do any of this without God and they all happen only because of Him.
i cant say anything else. hahaha. n this might as well be my last post for a long time, cause people said working as an auditor is busy as hell. well, i'll post everytime i have the chance to!
