what 2-year-in-Malaysia brings me into

to be completely honest, my first motivation to study abroad is to start over. when i made this decision, through a very-long email i sent to my parents, i was in my lowest point EVER in my life. i was a stubborn high schooler, i hated my high school, i couldnt stand the thought of studying for UAN and UAS, and i couldnt stand the thought of living 1 more year in my high school, and lastly, the bf cheated on me. then, the thought of 'starting over abroad' and 'leaving all problems behind' started to come in. and when i made my decision, there came Jakarta International College in my life. i went to Monash College in Jakarta.

Monash College, however, came with another problem. when i thought college should be much easier than high school, i was COMPLETELY WRONG. haha. no, it is not easier. n i shouldve knowned or at least expected this when i saw Monash is the best 67th university worldwide. but of course, at that time, being a person who 'never-study-but-always-get-ranking-in-class', believed that i could pass that easily. my confidence even went to a level that i didnt want Monash, who was ‘only’ the 3rd best uni within Australia. I want Australian National University, who is the best. *luckily i didnt go to that uni or i would be bald by now hahaha* and my response now, after I barely passed through my last semester in Monash --> HAHAHAHAHA. *tertawa miris*. its when u realised you are not the most clever person, tesa. its DAMN difficult for you to even get an A in this shitty uni, while there are others who can only blink an eye and get all those As. ada langit di atas langit. and that, my friends, is always true, in every aspects of ur life.

and then my life in Malaysia began. well, if i thought uni will be the same as college, i was wrong, AGAIN. uni sucks. its MUCH MORE difficult than college. and seriously, you wont want to enter to a course when you are their first batch of students. kaya kelinci percobaan. you will be faced by teachers who never taught the unit, they have no idea what and how the exams will be, etc etc. and you end up with.... online lectures from australia. cause lecturers in australia are the ones who make the exams, the answer key, the ones who mark the assignments, etc. and its impossible to know what they expect if you never listen to their lectures, isnt it? 

realising uni sucks and getting an A is difficult, i started to question my decision to study here. while many of my friends in Jakarta can still go watch movies, tv series, go to malls, etc several days before UAS and still get As, i must start ATLEAST 2 weeks before the exam period starts to only have a hope to get As. hahaha. its..... difficult. and the thought of me must endure this kind of life for 4 more semesters tore me apart. at that time i was only on my second year first semester, and at that time i didnt even want to imagine what my last semester will be like *but hey! its me writing all of this trash now! i passed my last semester in monash! yeay!*

first semester came with all tears *literally* from my desparation. but i was lucky to have my parents who fully supported me. they always say its not to be the worst or the best in class that matters, its to be my best that matters. they also always said that the important thing is to giest the knowledge. i must UNDERSTAND the unit, not simpy just memorising but dont understand a thing and get As. and there it goes, with the thought of 'do my best, do my best, do my best' and 'knowledge, understand, knowledge, understand' i can barely, with all tears and desperation, went through my Monash life. and about the marks, im not the highest in scores. i get As and Bs and 1 C. hahaha. there are many people who have higher marks than me and there are a lot too that are lower. but hey, i passed, i did my best, i understand what i study. and if accounting and this degree turned out to be not for me, its for God and for my parents.

despite my questioning of my decision to study abroad, i must admit that studying here broadens my perspective. i must say that i was 'trained' in only one type of environment. my entire school life is in Penabur, dominantly Christian, and not that berandalan, and the social gap between those who has incredibly much money and those who have less is not that huge *at least from what i understood*. and i socialise a lot in my church. im not saying that im very Christian, in fact im not, but being in this type of environment at least 'train' my mind to be not too secular.

but studying here opens my mind, a lot. the very huge social gaps, that free sex is not unusual, that looks and money are considered more important than characters *especially when talking about relationships*, that people who share their belief in Christ explicitly are considered nerds, that smoking and weed is usual, that there are people who go to church every sundays AND go to komsel regularly also go to clubs every Fridays or Saturdays, that it is usual for people to be racist, that it is usual for people to separate others to their own perspective levels *those who are gaul-gaul banget-freak-nerd, tajir-miskin-biasa aja, tiko-chinese, cina kampung-cina gaul, anak selatan-anak timur*, that wearing branded things matter A LOT. Well, who am I to judge. All I can say is that im grateful to have my Godly parents and Godly friends from Jakarta. im not Godly, no im not. But its them who remind me a lot to atleast try to be more towards Godly. Its my community in Jakarta *who at first I tried to run from* that constantly reminds me to always be grateful *though implicitly*, to pray and to be more Godly *though I often ignore them*, to give the ‘Godly perspective’ everytime I share some problems I face in Malaysia *hence balancing all inputs hahaha. I must admit, without trying to judge, that inputs from my friends here are sometimes too secular*.

Also, my community in Jakarta, without them knowing, has helped me A LOT. I can never endure studying in Monash if I never went teaching Bimbel for my church. Its completely heartbreaking that there are a lot of people who want to study but don’t have the resources to. Its also heartbreaking to see there are loads of people who have brilliant brain but they cant afford proper education. It is something, and it is heartbreaking. It makes you think... you have the resources to study. Some of you even can study abroad. And who are you to complain, seriously? Im lucky enough to have the chance to study! So stop complaining. And besides the ‘do the best’, ‘knowledge and understand’ thingy, this is one of the biggest motivations when I am angry at Monash. Haha.

To be able to come back to Jakarta every semester is a blessing. Its when I get my mind resetted, its when I get my mind refreshed. I cant imagine how I would be like if I went to Australia hence cant afford to go back every semester.

What 2 years in Malaysia brings is that I finally believe that i want to settle in Jakarta. of course I know can also do all social works in Malaysia, be active in my church in every country I live in and meet the ‘right’ people everywhere. I actually have experienced it once when I went to help Ketchara in Malaysia the other day. But im Indonesian and when I help, I want to help my country, don’t you?

Loads of people might also say ‘u have every chance to work abroad, why on earth you want to work in Indonesia? The rate is much lower even when compared with Malaysia!’ well, I agree. im kinda shocked hearing how much company pays for fresh graduates. Lol its even lower than interns’ rate in Malaysia. However, I don’t think that studying abroad is a waste. I know well enough that education is much better abroad, and Indonesian education kinda sucks. No offense, but I mean it. I want to give back to Indonesia, that’s it. I know well enough that there are loads of intelligent people from Indonesia working successfully abroad. I know few of them wont think even once to go back to Indonesia. But teaching bimbel has influenced me more than I thought it would. I want to bring better education in Indonesia. At least that’s my long term goal *though I haven’t even sent a single CV .____. Tesa oh tesa. Big dream wont ever be achieved if you don’t even start*

well, i must also say that 2 years in malaysia made me realise that i LOVEEE jakarta *and all its food*. i LOVEEEE my friends and i LOVEEE my church. and above all, i LOVEEEE my parents. i grow up disliking all what my parents said. now, im longing to say thanks to what they have said. and lastly, I LOVEEEE my brother. I also grow up arguing with him *we sometimes still* but sharing certain problems in Malaysia with him makes me realise that he is wiser that I can ever imagine.

oh! Im writing this on 7^th December, but Im going to post it on 9^th December, after my results are out.

Hence i can produce the first ever writing in my life and sign it as,

Teresa Sania, B. Com (Acc)

HAHAHA. i know. its silly. you all can laugh. but really, its one thing in the world that i work really hard on to get and its one thing in the world that i know i did my every best to achieve. haha. when i look at my report books from my secondary or high school, no im not proud of it tho it says ive achieved some ranks whatsoever. i know i did not do my best to achieve all those and no im not proud of those. this one, i know im not the first or the second best etc, one thing i know, i put all my sweat and effort to get this. 

so yes.

Best regards,

Teresa Sania, B. Com (Acc)






HAHAHA. its still funny to read this......

last semester xixixixixi

for the first time during my time of study in Malaysia, i went home during mid break! HAHAHA. im so grateful that MAS offered a huge discount otherwise i couldnt be at home and writing this *tertawa senang*

it's been a tough semester *again. yeah. Monash screw you*. i went to Malaysia 2 months ago with a target of 4 HDs. HAHAHA. n when the second or third lecture began and i knew what subjects i was in to, i was just laughing at myself. its like Monash screaming and laughing at me 'HOW DARE YOUUU teresa sania to want 4 HDs from meeee???' hahahaha. 

and Monash is full of surprises, i should say. the 1 subject that i expect to be the most difficult turned out to be quite easy. im not in hatred to management accounting as i thought i would be. i used to think that it would be the most abstract subject but it is not hahhaa. i expect this actually can help me boost my mark. or its only because i havent known the real subject? i havent looked at the past exams anyway so maybe i havent known the real difficulty. haha. *made me stressed even further*

the one subject that i thought will be interesting turned out to be URGH. auditing and assurance is the most abstract ever, even more abstract than ethics from last semester. n to be honest this makes me stressed as i want to be an auditor when i graduate. hahaha. it is abstract, and is more difficult than accounting theory and issue. or is it just the lecturers that are not that systematic than those of accounting theory? i didnt know. i could see the big picture of accounting theory and issue. the lecturers outlined the standards and its flows clearly thouroughly and seriously its easier! this time i didnt even know which standars to read. urgh. and now that ive finished my online lectures, i plan to finish this auditing handbook hahah. auditing i wont let you stand in my target of 4 HDs!! 

oh and my plan to take managerial economics was to boost up my marks. hahaha all people said it was easy. some even said this was the subject they got the highest mark, without even understanding anything. hahaha. i was happy when i hear that, as i thought the understanding would be easy. but it turned out that that is the difficulty. memorising is not my area and i have to fully understand something and only then i can memorise it easily. memorising without understanding? hahaha. bisa botak. and with all those graphs, with all those different economics situations. uuurrrggghhh. hahahha. i couldnt agree when people said it was easy. it was not as difficult as the other subjects *as econs subject are relatively easier than accounting and finance* but it was not as easy as people said it was. hiks. but thats the only choice or i have to take accounting information system as my elective and no people said it was easy hahaha. ALL without execption said its damn hard. so yes. i prefer to deal with managerial econs and yes i have to work hard on this too. hahaha

the 1 left is so so lah. i know it would be in that level of difficulty.

and why am i writing this? i loved re-reading how im stressed with my semester after i finished that particular semester haha. its somehow funny and it cheers me up. its like 'Tesa youve gone through all that! you can do another one again!' and since its my last semester, i guess ill be re-reading it even with a bigger smile, during my holiday. hahhaa. not holiday anymore, i guess. job searching. HIKS. 

okay ive been online too long i should start reading that auditing handbook. hahhaha. 

ngecap2 sajalah

aloha!

hari ini saya tetapkan sebagai..... jeng jeng jeng jeng...

hari istirahat saya. hahahaha. 

udah berhari2 di depan laptop buat kerjain report2 yang menjibun. haduh semester ini kyny ga bakal jadi semester terbaik saya dalam hal nilai. semua internal marknya dari report! dan report saya ngga pernah bagus .___. *yang kaya gini kog cita2nya jadi jurnalis HAHAHAHA* saya jauh lebih prefer mid test daripada report. mid test itu tinggal belajar bisa. effortnya juga ga seberat report. ya nyicil2 seminggu bisa deh. nah kalo report astaganaga cetar membahana 1 minggu pasti ga kelar. dan pokoknya gatau kenapa report saya emang ga pernah bagus. mana bobot nilainya 30% lagi. sekali dapet C uda mati deh.

yah pokoknya semester ini madesu :( mana saya salah kaprah tentang deadline saya. ada yang saya kira di kumpul pertama malah di kumpul terakhir dan yang saya kira dikumpul terakhir malah dikumpul pertama. alhasil saya ngebut banget ngerjain report yang dikumpul pertama itu dan semua quiz2 n presentasi yang bobotnya cuma 10% terbengkalai hancur berantakan :((( padahal 10% itu ngebantu banget kalo report saya yang 30% ini hancur berantakan juga kan. saya stress :(

dan saya seriusan uda ngebayang2in saya balik ke jakarta. banyak banget yang mau saya lakuin :( selama ini pengen ke waterbom belom kesampean, mau ke gandaria city belom kesampean, mau jalan2 sampe malem nyari nasgor tek2 belom kesampean :( uda pernah sih jalan malem sama temen saya *sampe kesampean 3 nasi goreng HAHAHA* tapi cuma skali n ga puas. pokoknya liburan kali ini harusssss kesampean semua. sama saya juga mau dong ke ancol ngerasain naek sepeda n foto2. sama saya harus uda punya SIM n uda lancar nyetir liburan ini! aduh banyak maunya ya saya ini hahahaha. 

semester ini gatau kenapa saya juga pengen banget pulang. kangen bapak nyak n ade saya. jeng jeng. dunia bisa terbelah. hahaha. ya mungkin karena ada suatu peristiwa yang ga bisa saya ceritain di sini juga sih saya baru berasa bahwa i love them so much.

ah udah ah ngecapnya hari ini *untuk pertama kalinya dalam 2-3 minggu terakhir* saya mau tidur cepet. hibernasi. ga bisa hibernasi juga secara besok ada kelas jam 8. tapi anw better than today kelas jam 8, bangun jam 6, tidur jam stg3. hahaha. 

ciao! 

to trust the love of God and love Him in return

hari ini saya ke gereja Katholik. dan seperti biasa, Father Simon kasih kotbah yang menarik. sebenernya hari ini kotbahnya ditemain buat hari pemilu di malay, tapi karna ga nyambung buat saya jadi saya ambil2 aja yang nyambungnya doang hahaha!

hari ini ada 1 kalimat yang saya inget banget dari father. jadi dia ngmg kalo kadang kita itu ga pengen move on, pengennya terus di tempat ato malah pengennya mundur ke belakang, ke comfort zone kita. itu kalimat langsung nancep banget hahahahaha. kenapa? 

jadi kira2 sebulan yang lalu, saya dipaksa buat 'nyabut' keputusan yang saya tau uda harus di'cabut' dari duluuuuu banget. ato lebih tepatnya, saya seharusnya saya sama sekali ga ngambil keputusan itu. tapi ya itu lah, menurut saya keputusan ini membuat saya ada di comfort zone saya. akibatnya, walopun saya tau saya harusnya nyabut keputusan itu, saya terus2an nunda2 juga. tapi Tuhan itu baek banget, karna saya tau kalo dia ngga maksa saya, pasti itu bakal jadi sesuatu yang saya sesali seumur hidup.

nah sejujurnya, sebulan yang lalu itu, saya kepengennya balik lagi ke comfort zone saya. yah saya juga uda pernah nyabut keputusan saya ini, tapi akhirnya emang saya balik lagi, mundur ke belakang lagi kalo pake istilah father. tapi karna sikon, kali ini ga mungkin saya mundur ke belakang lagi. dan untuk itu, saya sungguh berterima kasih sama Tuhan. 

pencabutan keputusan ini sangat diteguhkan dengan kalimat berikutnya dari si father. 'no matter how far you go from God, He will always seek you and if needed, force you to come back'. dan inilah yang saya rasakan. He forced me to be in the right track. dan one more time, i thank Him for that. sejujurnya saya ini sangat keras kepala, dan saya berasa setiap kali saya di jalan yang salah Tuhan harus sabar banget sampe akhirnya Dia maksa saya juga buat kembali ke yang bener. yah, mungkin itulah yang namanya emang kasih agape dari Tuhan. ga pernah minta balik, seberapa jahatnya saya sama Dia. 

belom kurang saya broken hearted karna pencabutan keputusan *halah* saya dikasih info tentang sesuatu *ini maaf ya ceritanya setengah2 dan penuh istilah 'sesuatu' abis pribadi juga sih hahahhah* yang lebih bikin saya broken hearted lagi. saya stress amat sangat waktu itu, melebihi stress pertama saya. tapi stress yang terakhir ini tapi ada bagusnya juga, karna saya akhirnya kembali berdoa sama Tuhan setelah sekian lama saya ngga berdoa hahaha. intinya, saya stress berat. 

nah kali ini saya pengen share kalimat yang saya dapet dari komsel saya minggu kemaren. ketua komselnya lagi sharing dari buku yang dia baca, chapter pertamanya. jadi ceritanya buku ini bakal digilir baca buat anak2 komsel, chapter per chapter, ntar masing2 sharing di komsel. oke kog jadi OOT. 

kalimatnya, 'no problem how big your problem is, there's only one sentence that can handle it. that is, to trust the love of God and love Him in return'. abis dia ngmg gitu, saya sibuk nulis itu kalimat di hp saya jadi saya ngga meratiin penjelasannya hahahahha! tapi saya terenyuh. intinya berarti ga peduli seberapa besar problem kita, seberapa suffernya kita, kita cuma cukup percaya kasih Tuhan pada kita, dan kita harus love Him back in return. dari sini saya diingetin kalo kita pasti dikasih yang terbaik dari Tuhan karna dia begitu mengasihi kita. Tuhan ngga mungkin kasih yang buruk2 sama kita, pokoknya percaya aja! just trust the love of God. 

banyak hal yang terjadi dalam sebulan, tapi saya diingetin banyak hal; saya harus maju ga boleh terus2an ada di comfort zone, saya harus berterima kasih pas Tuhan maksa saya balik lagi ke jalan yang waras, dan yang paling penting saya harus percaya sama kasihNya sama saya yang ngga akan pudar sejelek apapun tingkah laku saya. 

so, can we trust the love of God and love Him in return?