manusia berencana, Tuhan yang punya hak veto :)

gue di tolak PwC :( 

HAHAHA

what an opening to a new post.

sedih? ya pasti keleus. tapi kalo boleh jujur gue lebih ke kesel masih harus kerja jadi auditor di EY daripada sedih ke PwC. why? karna kalo uda di terima pun target utama gue skarang investment bank ato private equity firms. jadi kalo uda di PwC bakal tetep apply kesana. tapi gue sadar masuk ke investment bank n PEF JAUH lebih susah daripada ke PwC. karna itu lah gue super ngarep bisa masuk PwC jadi kalo ntarnya ga ditrima disana, ya atleast g masih di PwC advisory. ngga auditorrrrrr :(:(:(

kenapa sih mau ke advisory ato ke investment bank n PEF? karna gue mau ambil CFA. yang di mana buat dapet title CFA selain harus lulus 3 level of exams, gue harus kerja 48 months in relevant jobs. and i know auditor is not one. jadi gue lagi mau cari yang considered as relevant. 

dan tentunya karna gue ga suka ngaudit. ergh. i hate auditing. hahaha. its not because of the long hours. being an advisor or a consultant requires longer hours of work than i do as an auditor. well tp itu karna im a lucky auditor juga sih. jarang dpt client yang lemburan gila. 

well tp gue adalah orang yang percaya whatever happens is for the best. 

mungkin gue lagi di ajarin untuk bersyukur gue uda punya kerjaan walaopun gue ga suka. daripada nganggur ga punya duit? 

mungkin gue lagi di ajarin untuk ga kabur dari hal yang gue ga suka. ini sering banget terjadi loh. one of which is when i went to malaysia. well that can be bought by money, moving to malaysia. tp job is something that cant be bought by money. masa gue nyogok? hahaha. jd skali lagi gue dipaksa tentang endurance and perseverance. sama kaya gue ambil accounting n i hate it. (uda tau ga suka accounting tetep cari krjanya audit, kenapa uda tau dari dulu im more into finance ga cari krjaan lgsg ke finance???? tesa of tesa........)

mungkin gue lagi diajarin buat make a big decision tuh takes time. ga kaya gue lagi cari kerjaan terus karna orang2 ngmg 'lulusan accounting ya jadi auditor tuh uda the best' terus gue serta merta jadi auditor. ngga boleh gitu, Tesa! harus research dulu. n ga karna orang bilang advisory itu cocok buat finance terus lgsg daftar PwC advisory pdhal masih banyak tempat laen kaya investment bank n PEF. ngga boleh gitu, Tesa! TO MAKE A BIG DECISION, ONE HAS TO RESEARCH WELL AND THINK THOROUGHLY. 

mungkin gue lagi diajairin kalo ga semua hal yang gue pengen gue bisa dapet. hahaha. somehow i have been thinking all is achievable. mgkn karna selama ini all is too easy and gue mgkn jadi sombong. ngga bisa gitu. gue juga harus prepare. ga bisa kaya 2 interview terakhir yang gue cuma prepare teknikal n ga prepare jwaban non technical sama skali n berakhir krik krik krik karna gue berasumsi orang bakal amazed dengan jawaban technical gue n ga mikirin jawaban non technical gue yang ancur. well selama ini that works, tp not for the last one with PwC. gue harus sadar banyak yang lebih pinter, banyak yang lulusan luar uni lebih okay dengan nilai lebih okay n karna itu gue harus prepare the best. hahahaha. 

mgkn gue mau diajarin gue ga boleh brenti berdoa setelah interview kelar. hahaha. gue sombong aja doanya kelar setelah interview. well im not saying that if i did pray than PwC would accept me. im saying that one has to surrender all the God, even the decision. ngga serta merta lgsg anggep GUE uda ngelakuin yang terbaik jadi hasilnya PURELY karena GUE uda interview yang terbaik. sombong ya tesa? 

well, 

cari duit itu susah

cari kerjaan yang lu suka JAUH lebih susah lagi

tp yaudah. 

manusia berencana dan berharap, tapi Tuhan yang tetep punya hak veto.

pasti tesa jadi auditor untuk saat ini adalah yang terbaik. walaupun tetep berharap taun ini taun terakhir.

uda ah mau mandi mau pergi  makan enak. hihihi. 

menjadi kaya ga bisa membeli cinta, tapi miskin juga ga bisa beli cinta

"menjadi kaya nggak bisa membeli cinta, tapi miskin juga nggak bisa beli cinta"

begitu kata Tung Dusem Waringin di seminar 1 harinya yang baru2 ini saya ikut. apatis, itu biasanya pikiran saya untuk hal2 motivator2 gitu. paling semangatnya cuma bakal seminggu. makanya pas disuruh ikut sih super males. tapi yah, karna bokap yang ngajak jadi iya aja deh.

tapi ga disangka, dia bukan cuma seorang yang memotivator. kayanya dia orang yang bisa ngubah mindset (atleast menurut saya). hahaha. dia orang yang sangat wise (lagi2 ini hanya kata tesa). n karna dia Kristen, pemikirannya juga 'kristen'. n bener aja, pas cerita ke nyokap pulang dari seminar, nyokap ngmg dia adalah orang yang baca alkitab. hats off, Pak!

nah kalimat lengkapnya gimana sih dia ngmg hal itu?

"bapak2 ibu2, banyak orang ngmg kaya ngga bisa membeli cinta. tapi bapak ibu harus adil! sekarang saya tanya balik ke bapak ibu: miskin bisa beli cinta ga? ga bisa toh? karna ga bisa, ya mendingan jadi kaya"

hahaha! super nice. 

n pulang dari seminar saya jadi flashback n found that its true!

12 hari lagi tepat saya 1 tahun kerja. dan sejak awal kerja, saya uda ga dikasih duit apapun sama ortu. mobil dipinjemin (kalo lagi ga dipake), tapi bensin isi sendiri, bayar parkir, bayar tol n kasih tips parkir n apapun ga pernah ambil dari duit di mobil yang berserakan, terus kalo sakit ke dokter ya bayar sendiri, beli printilan ini itu bayar sendiri. pokoknya ga dikasih duit sama sekali. 

n it kinda opens my mind. dulu saya orang yang super idealis. duit ga penting, yang penting tercukupi dan punya kerjaan yang disenengin. TAPI, itu pandangan orang yang mgkn selama idupnya uda tercukupi tanpa tau sesusah itu loh ngejar 'cukup' yang layak (ya kaya saya pada waktu itu dan mgkn juga temen2 lain yg belom prnah ngerasain cari duit sendiri). 

well, definisi 'layak' dan 'cukup' orang emang beda2. tapi, ini atleast definisi saya. definisi saya terpengaruh sama gimana saya hidup 20 tahun selama saya masih dibawah naungan ortu tentunya.:
- makan enak atleast seminggu sekali (forgive me, im a foodie. this comes to my thought the first)
- kalo sakit, ke dokter ngga pake mikir
- ngga mikir buat ngebantu orang
- ngga mikir untuk beliin mba barang ini itu kalo dari luar kota

apa yang terjadi setelah kerja saudara2?

- makan enak seminggu sekali mikir2 dulu (tapi akhirnya tetep makan enak, kadang bisa lebih dari seminggu sekali. SIGH. maap tesa emang demen makan)

- kalo sakit, super mikir ke dokter. (screw EY for having such a VERY BAD health care. beside having very-often-rejected health claims, the approved ones take VERY LONG to be processed. the fastest is 2 months. wth? 2 months??) mana dokter ortu mahal2, karna health care company mereka bagus ga pernah ngereject jadi ya dokternya yang oke2 n mahal2 hahaha. gaji se-saya mana bisa afford itu bapak2 dokter nan mahal? 

- bantu orang mulai mikir. it might sound wrong, it might sound extremely individualistic. but im being honest. haha. dulu ga pernah mikir kalo bantuin orang. ada sumbangan di gereja, kasih. di resto kasih tips, anak jual koran, beli. sekarang saya tetep sih, tapi jadi mikir. ini duit di bank tinggal segini, kalo nyumbang jadi tinggal segini, ntr mepet banget, blah blah blah blah blah. 

- mikir buat beliin mba barang kalo lagi di luar kota. well ini karna kalo saya ngasih kado prinsipnya sih 'it has to be special or nothing' (mgkn karna bahasa kasih saya itu hadiah, kalo kaya buku 5 languages of love or apa gitu judulnya). mknya ga prnah kasih oleh-oleh ke mba tuh gantungan kunci. ato tempelan kulkas (ntar akhirnya di tempel di kulkas rumah juga?) hahahha. ya sendal kek, baju kek, dompet kek, n ga yang beli 50ribu dapet seprentel jg, soalnya itu dia juga bisa beli. ya beliin lah yang dia ga bisa beli. jadi ya lumayan kalo beliin barang.

nah jadi saya setuju banget saudara2 sama si Tung Dusem Waringin. why?

- uang ga bisa beli kesehatan, tapi kalo sakit lebih enak punya uang lebih untuk berobat ke dokter yang emang bagus n sembuhnya cepet

- uang ga bisa beli tidur yang nyenyak, tapi kalo abis lembur sampe jam 2 pagi percayalah lebih enak tidur dan mandi di hotel bagus daripada di hotel jelek *sekalian curhat pernah dapet hotel super jorok dari client pelit hahaha :(* 

- uang ga bisa beli cinta, tapi percayalah kalo pacaran pas uda kerja itu harus mikir mau marathon bioskop karna bisanya cuma weekend n harganya jadi ajubileh. aplagi kalo marathon berarti hrs makan siang n malem di luar. jadi mendingan punya uang lebih jadi ga usah pake mikir kan ngedatenya?

- uang ga bisa beli napsu makan, n makanan enak ga harus mahal. setuju! tek2 tuh enak banget. tapi banyak makanan enak yang mahal.

- punya uang cukup tetep bisa nyumbang orang, tapi percayalah kita bisa nyumbang lebih banyak kalo kita punya banyak uang. 

- punya uang cukup berarti ga usah mikir mau ambil kelas CFA. belajar sndiri emang bisa, tapi saya percaya belajar dari orang lain yang bisa juga akan mempermudah

- punya uang cukup bisa bikin kita sekolah yang lebih bagus. pengen s2 ke luar bisa, pengen ke uni bagus nan mahal bisa. 

ini hanya hasil kesimpulan tesa, setelah ngerasain kerja 1 taun, dan ngerasain susahnya cari uang. hahahaha. 

kesimpulan laen: bersyukur itu susah. n itu adalah pelajaran seumur hidup. awal saya susah bersyukur. sekarang uda bisa bersyukur. jadi kalo dulu awal krja ngeluhhhh mulu, sekarang uda di tahap kalo itu adalah fakta dan kenyataan sehari2. jadi kalo cerita bukan bermaksud curhat, tapi sekedar sharing susahnya ngatur duit di awal peralihan masa2 'ditanggung ortu' dan 'ngidupin diri sendiri', dimana kita pasti masih pengen mempertahanin standard idup pas masih  tahap 'ditanggung ortu'. pdhal gaji ortu uda belasan kali lipat dari gaji kita di masa awal tahap 'ngidupin diri sendiri'. hahaha!

oh n fyi, kalo tentang bersyukur, saya setuju sama Pak Tung: jangan pernah bersyukur naif. kaya apa tuh bersyukur naif? misalnya kalo pake kasus saya ini, saya bersyukur gini 'bersyukur uda punya kerjaan, bersyukur uda bisa makan enak, bersyukur uda bisa ke dokter walaupun cashflow jadi minus. jadi ga usah lah cari kerjaan lagi yang lebih enak. toh disini uda cukup n uda punya temen yang enak. bersyukur! banyak orang yang mau kerjaan kamu, kog kamu malah cari krjaan laen?'. nah, itu bersyukur naif. hahaha. kenapa? karna bersyukurnya jadi ngga ada motivasi untuk lebih maju. 

terus gimana bersyukur menurut Pak Tung? oh ya harus bersyukur saya punya krjaan yang bnyk orang laen pengen tapi ga bisa masuk, bisa makan enak, bisa ke dokter, bisa naek mobil dipinjem papa mama. bersyukur itu HARUS kalo kata Pak Tung, idup kesiksa kalo ga bisa bersyukur. tapi, kita harus punya keinginan untuk maju juga. bersyukur punya chance untuk kerja di tempat yang lebih bagus, karna itu ambil lah chance itu!

nah karna perbedaan point of view bersyukur ini kadang saya berdebat sama papa mama. papa mama lebih ke bersyukur yang pertama, n daridulu prinsip bersyukur saya adalah bersyukur Pak Tung. saya bersyukur dengan apa yang ada sekarang dengan make the best out of it. contoh: dengan title 'lulusan luar' yang saya uda earned susah payah di Monash, saya bisa make the best out of it dengan cari kerja yang saya bisa best got by the degree (ga bermaksud ngecilin yang lulusan dalem, tp beberapa perusahaan gede prefer lulusan luar. nah, saya punya chance lebih gede, so why not take it?), jadi bukan cuma sekedar bersyukur uda dpt krjaan yang orang laen susah dapet trs pasrah gitu aja. 

jadi kesimpulan tesa yang lain: saya bersyukur dengan apa yang ada sekarang, tapi saya juga harus punya mindset yang (menurut saya) bener --> kerja yang bener! cari duit yang bener! cari kerja lagi yang lebih oke! n one time, you'll get there. 'there'nya apa? ya target masing2 lah. hahahaha. 

udah ah balik kerja. uda jam 8.50. uda korupsi waktu 20 menit hahaha. tp gpp ya lembur kan sering ga dibayar? #eh hahaha!

half of 2014 has passed :(

time passes hell too fast. its June! half of 2014 has gone! and here's me sitting in my client's office using my client's connection to work update my blog. ha. ha. ha. 

ive been working like hell. well, the consequences of being an auditor. i dont say i hate my job. but im sure i cant say i love my job. it's..... full of contradictions with my habit and with myself. for example, im a person who need sleep to just concentrate. auditors? can work 24 hours if needed. and im blessed to have clients who kick us out after 7pm *i guess its to cut their cost of electricity or rental or whatever but im grateful for whatever reasons they have*. i cant understand how all those other people can still work after 7pm. me? im burnt out after 7. i cant concentrate. its best for me to have a good 1 hour nap and then back to work. but of course i cant have a nap while my other colleagues are working their asses off, right? and auditors.. they r very hard to trust clients. well, not saying auditors are bad people. but it's just how they must act. it's the procedures. it's the way auditors work. they question every data given by clients. they recalculate and test every excel given by client. urgh. i mean. well, not every people cheat. its like suspecting people doing something AND you dont even know the people. how can u have the right to suspect them doing something bad if you dont even know them? *or is it because of we dont know then we suspect everything?* well, whichever, i dont like suspecting people. 

oh then its out of topic. 

im shocked its june. being an auditor means you work until night. and as i said, im burnt out after 7. that means after i reach home, i will just eat, bathe, and directly go to sleep. i barely have time for myself like i always did. i dont reply my friends' chat, i dont update my blog, i dont do church activities, i dont skype with my abroad friends, i just... work and sleep. i feel like im a machine. and here im sitting and thinking what good have i done to others in these 6 months? nothing. well i do 'good' to clients. i, in a very small portion, provide value for their companies *tho they hate me for requesting too many data. well im sorry its procedural hahhaha*. but really. this auditing thing is just a way for them to make more profit. its bulshit when they do their bigtalks that theyre doing something for the environment or for their employees or for the citizens. at the end, its the image and its the profit *or at least thats what ethics subject in uni taught me*.

the real question is, what GOOD have i done to others who are struggling to live? haha. those big companies can eat millions-for-a-plate food every day without me, even without my seniors and my managers and my partners. 

there's this quote that has been bothering me. i forgot the exact saying but the point is that 'you dont really live until you have done something to someone who can never pay you back'. and that's true! i mean. what's the point of living in a world full of people when what you do everyday is to just enlarge urself *by only working and doing nothing else except work?* 

and that is still the biggest question for now hahahha.

okay i really must get back to work. 

cinta menurut seorang saya

beberapa waktu lalu, pacarnya temen SD saya update 1 post di blognya  *yang dikhususkan buat cewenya* dan diakhiri dengan 1 quote:

"For anything worth having one must pay the price; and the price is always work, patience, love, self-sacrifice" -John Burrough-

dan menurut saya, itu bener. 

saya uda 4x pacaran. hahaha. and the second taught me this best. mungkin karna that was the first time i really liked someone. then i loved him hard. then i fell REALLY hard when we broke up. but thats not the point im writing this anw. so.. 

menurut kesotoyan seorang teresa sania, 

you love someone when...

lu uda kelar belajar buat ulangan geografi besok, tapi lu buat ringkasan sampe jam stengah 3 pagi *inget pas SMA masuk jam stg7* buat laki lu karna lu tau dia belom belajar n dia uda ada 13 nilai merah pas ambil rapot mid.

n pas pulang sekolah lu tanya dia bisa ato ngga ulangan, dia jawab ngga. trs pas lu tanya dibaca ga itu ringkasan, dia bilang ngga. tapi lu ga marah. lu sedih n khawatir dia dapet merah lagi ato ngga. 

lu anter pacar lu pulang ke rumahnya yang nunjauh disana padahal rumah lu dari sekolah jalan kaki 5 menit juga sampe.

lu beli kado buat pacar lu sesuatu yang sedemikian mahalnya yang kalo lu beli buat lu sendiri aja ga bakal mau. kenapa? simply karna pengen dia seneng. 

lu tungguin pacar lu dari sebelom jam stg5 n mondar mandir di mall ga jelas demi ga kena 3 in 1 *3 in 1 starts at 4.30pm and ends at 7.00 pm* padahal pacar lu kelar kerjanya baru ntar jam stengah 6 an.

lu lagi exam kuliah, lu LDR beda waktu 4 jam (misal kalo di gw jam 3 sore disana jam 7 malem), and dia tungguin lu belajar sampe kelar, even kalo sampe jam 1 pagi. ato lu bangun pagi2 duluan biar bisa say "good luck for ur exam today!" pas dia exam jam stg9 pagi (means harus bangun jam stg5). 

lu lagi exam. lu orangnya suka pusing kalo kurang tidur. tapi begadang berhari2. bukan buat exam doang, tapi buat bikin scrapbook. sampe pas exam sakit. 

whats the point of all this?

RELATIONSHIP NEEDS SACRIFICE. 

when ur not ready to give any, dont say u love someone. this way u have 2 hearts less to break. yours, and theirs. 

blessed and beyond grateful :)

its often said that people forget God when they are happy, then they will all crazily pray and try to reach God when they are in difficulties. 

me?

no.

its weird, but i tend to forget God when im in difficult situation. i tend to blame myself for every bad thing happened and i dont dare blaming others, especially God. but i always remember that it is God's grace when i receive every good thing. its always in my mind that we, human, cant do exceptionally great without His grace.

neither one is good, coz ideally we should give thanks to God in our happiness and difficulties *am i right?*

now that im exactly one month in Jakarta, im seeing my life backwards. n it comes to one conclusion --> theres A LOT of good things i received that i dont think i deserve. i cant say it one by one *cause it will include many names*, but there are A LOT. 

first thing, my results for my last semester in Monash. HA. i think it would be my worst semester simply because its my last. im as lazy as those bears in winter. what i only wanted was just to graduate and i didnt even think about the marks i would get. but then. it turned out to be the best mark ive ever. EVER. EVER got in Monash, counting also my Monash College life. wellllll what else can i say beside its a blessing? im not lucky, no! a lot of people consider me as lucky, but i dont dare calling myself lucky. im blessed. 

last thing, IVE GOT A JOB! hahahha can you believe that? last time i posted in my blog, i said i havent sent any CV but now ive got a job. and a great one. what else can i say? im blessed. its really a blessing. ive got interviews and ive done some tests with those big companies, while i expect that i would be unemployed for at least 3 months. 

there are many others, but sharing it will call my names so i prefer not to. 

all i can say is that im blessed and im beyond grateful. i cant do any of this without God and they all happen only because of Him. 

i cant say anything else. hahaha. n this might as well be my last post for a long time, cause people said working as an auditor is busy as hell. well, i'll post everytime i have the chance to!

what 2-year-in-Malaysia brings me into

to be completely honest, my first motivation to study abroad is to start over. when i made this decision, through a very-long email i sent to my parents, i was in my lowest point EVER in my life. i was a stubborn high schooler, i hated my high school, i couldnt stand the thought of studying for UAN and UAS, and i couldnt stand the thought of living 1 more year in my high school, and lastly, the bf cheated on me. then, the thought of 'starting over abroad' and 'leaving all problems behind' started to come in. and when i made my decision, there came Jakarta International College in my life. i went to Monash College in Jakarta.

Monash College, however, came with another problem. when i thought college should be much easier than high school, i was COMPLETELY WRONG. haha. no, it is not easier. n i shouldve knowned or at least expected this when i saw Monash is the best 67th university worldwide. but of course, at that time, being a person who 'never-study-but-always-get-ranking-in-class', believed that i could pass that easily. my confidence even went to a level that i didnt want Monash, who was ‘only’ the 3rd best uni within Australia. I want Australian National University, who is the best. *luckily i didnt go to that uni or i would be bald by now hahaha* and my response now, after I barely passed through my last semester in Monash --> HAHAHAHAHA. *tertawa miris*. its when u realised you are not the most clever person, tesa. its DAMN difficult for you to even get an A in this shitty uni, while there are others who can only blink an eye and get all those As. ada langit di atas langit. and that, my friends, is always true, in every aspects of ur life.

and then my life in Malaysia began. well, if i thought uni will be the same as college, i was wrong, AGAIN. uni sucks. its MUCH MORE difficult than college. and seriously, you wont want to enter to a course when you are their first batch of students. kaya kelinci percobaan. you will be faced by teachers who never taught the unit, they have no idea what and how the exams will be, etc etc. and you end up with.... online lectures from australia. cause lecturers in australia are the ones who make the exams, the answer key, the ones who mark the assignments, etc. and its impossible to know what they expect if you never listen to their lectures, isnt it? 

realising uni sucks and getting an A is difficult, i started to question my decision to study here. while many of my friends in Jakarta can still go watch movies, tv series, go to malls, etc several days before UAS and still get As, i must start ATLEAST 2 weeks before the exam period starts to only have a hope to get As. hahaha. its..... difficult. and the thought of me must endure this kind of life for 4 more semesters tore me apart. at that time i was only on my second year first semester, and at that time i didnt even want to imagine what my last semester will be like *but hey! its me writing all of this trash now! i passed my last semester in monash! yeay!*

first semester came with all tears *literally* from my desparation. but i was lucky to have my parents who fully supported me. they always say its not to be the worst or the best in class that matters, its to be my best that matters. they also always said that the important thing is to giest the knowledge. i must UNDERSTAND the unit, not simpy just memorising but dont understand a thing and get As. and there it goes, with the thought of 'do my best, do my best, do my best' and 'knowledge, understand, knowledge, understand' i can barely, with all tears and desperation, went through my Monash life. and about the marks, im not the highest in scores. i get As and Bs and 1 C. hahaha. there are many people who have higher marks than me and there are a lot too that are lower. but hey, i passed, i did my best, i understand what i study. and if accounting and this degree turned out to be not for me, its for God and for my parents.

despite my questioning of my decision to study abroad, i must admit that studying here broadens my perspective. i must say that i was 'trained' in only one type of environment. my entire school life is in Penabur, dominantly Christian, and not that berandalan, and the social gap between those who has incredibly much money and those who have less is not that huge *at least from what i understood*. and i socialise a lot in my church. im not saying that im very Christian, in fact im not, but being in this type of environment at least 'train' my mind to be not too secular.

but studying here opens my mind, a lot. the very huge social gaps, that free sex is not unusual, that looks and money are considered more important than characters *especially when talking about relationships*, that people who share their belief in Christ explicitly are considered nerds, that smoking and weed is usual, that there are people who go to church every sundays AND go to komsel regularly also go to clubs every Fridays or Saturdays, that it is usual for people to be racist, that it is usual for people to separate others to their own perspective levels *those who are gaul-gaul banget-freak-nerd, tajir-miskin-biasa aja, tiko-chinese, cina kampung-cina gaul, anak selatan-anak timur*, that wearing branded things matter A LOT. Well, who am I to judge. All I can say is that im grateful to have my Godly parents and Godly friends from Jakarta. im not Godly, no im not. But its them who remind me a lot to atleast try to be more towards Godly. Its my community in Jakarta *who at first I tried to run from* that constantly reminds me to always be grateful *though implicitly*, to pray and to be more Godly *though I often ignore them*, to give the ‘Godly perspective’ everytime I share some problems I face in Malaysia *hence balancing all inputs hahaha. I must admit, without trying to judge, that inputs from my friends here are sometimes too secular*.

Also, my community in Jakarta, without them knowing, has helped me A LOT. I can never endure studying in Monash if I never went teaching Bimbel for my church. Its completely heartbreaking that there are a lot of people who want to study but don’t have the resources to. Its also heartbreaking to see there are loads of people who have brilliant brain but they cant afford proper education. It is something, and it is heartbreaking. It makes you think... you have the resources to study. Some of you even can study abroad. And who are you to complain, seriously? Im lucky enough to have the chance to study! So stop complaining. And besides the ‘do the best’, ‘knowledge and understand’ thingy, this is one of the biggest motivations when I am angry at Monash. Haha.

To be able to come back to Jakarta every semester is a blessing. Its when I get my mind resetted, its when I get my mind refreshed. I cant imagine how I would be like if I went to Australia hence cant afford to go back every semester.

What 2 years in Malaysia brings is that I finally believe that i want to settle in Jakarta. of course I know can also do all social works in Malaysia, be active in my church in every country I live in and meet the ‘right’ people everywhere. I actually have experienced it once when I went to help Ketchara in Malaysia the other day. But im Indonesian and when I help, I want to help my country, don’t you?

Loads of people might also say ‘u have every chance to work abroad, why on earth you want to work in Indonesia? The rate is much lower even when compared with Malaysia!’ well, I agree. im kinda shocked hearing how much company pays for fresh graduates. Lol its even lower than interns’ rate in Malaysia. However, I don’t think that studying abroad is a waste. I know well enough that education is much better abroad, and Indonesian education kinda sucks. No offense, but I mean it. I want to give back to Indonesia, that’s it. I know well enough that there are loads of intelligent people from Indonesia working successfully abroad. I know few of them wont think even once to go back to Indonesia. But teaching bimbel has influenced me more than I thought it would. I want to bring better education in Indonesia. At least that’s my long term goal *though I haven’t even sent a single CV .____. Tesa oh tesa. Big dream wont ever be achieved if you don’t even start*

well, i must also say that 2 years in malaysia made me realise that i LOVEEE jakarta *and all its food*. i LOVEEEE my friends and i LOVEEE my church. and above all, i LOVEEEE my parents. i grow up disliking all what my parents said. now, im longing to say thanks to what they have said. and lastly, I LOVEEEE my brother. I also grow up arguing with him *we sometimes still* but sharing certain problems in Malaysia with him makes me realise that he is wiser that I can ever imagine.

oh! Im writing this on 7^th December, but Im going to post it on 9^th December, after my results are out.

Hence i can produce the first ever writing in my life and sign it as,

Teresa Sania, B. Com (Acc)

HAHAHA. i know. its silly. you all can laugh. but really, its one thing in the world that i work really hard on to get and its one thing in the world that i know i did my every best to achieve. haha. when i look at my report books from my secondary or high school, no im not proud of it tho it says ive achieved some ranks whatsoever. i know i did not do my best to achieve all those and no im not proud of those. this one, i know im not the first or the second best etc, one thing i know, i put all my sweat and effort to get this. 

so yes.

Best regards,

Teresa Sania, B. Com (Acc)






HAHAHA. its still funny to read this......

last semester xixixixixi

for the first time during my time of study in Malaysia, i went home during mid break! HAHAHA. im so grateful that MAS offered a huge discount otherwise i couldnt be at home and writing this *tertawa senang*

it's been a tough semester *again. yeah. Monash screw you*. i went to Malaysia 2 months ago with a target of 4 HDs. HAHAHA. n when the second or third lecture began and i knew what subjects i was in to, i was just laughing at myself. its like Monash screaming and laughing at me 'HOW DARE YOUUU teresa sania to want 4 HDs from meeee???' hahahaha. 

and Monash is full of surprises, i should say. the 1 subject that i expect to be the most difficult turned out to be quite easy. im not in hatred to management accounting as i thought i would be. i used to think that it would be the most abstract subject but it is not hahhaa. i expect this actually can help me boost my mark. or its only because i havent known the real subject? i havent looked at the past exams anyway so maybe i havent known the real difficulty. haha. *made me stressed even further*

the one subject that i thought will be interesting turned out to be URGH. auditing and assurance is the most abstract ever, even more abstract than ethics from last semester. n to be honest this makes me stressed as i want to be an auditor when i graduate. hahaha. it is abstract, and is more difficult than accounting theory and issue. or is it just the lecturers that are not that systematic than those of accounting theory? i didnt know. i could see the big picture of accounting theory and issue. the lecturers outlined the standards and its flows clearly thouroughly and seriously its easier! this time i didnt even know which standars to read. urgh. and now that ive finished my online lectures, i plan to finish this auditing handbook hahah. auditing i wont let you stand in my target of 4 HDs!! 

oh and my plan to take managerial economics was to boost up my marks. hahaha all people said it was easy. some even said this was the subject they got the highest mark, without even understanding anything. hahaha. i was happy when i hear that, as i thought the understanding would be easy. but it turned out that that is the difficulty. memorising is not my area and i have to fully understand something and only then i can memorise it easily. memorising without understanding? hahaha. bisa botak. and with all those graphs, with all those different economics situations. uuurrrggghhh. hahahha. i couldnt agree when people said it was easy. it was not as difficult as the other subjects *as econs subject are relatively easier than accounting and finance* but it was not as easy as people said it was. hiks. but thats the only choice or i have to take accounting information system as my elective and no people said it was easy hahaha. ALL without execption said its damn hard. so yes. i prefer to deal with managerial econs and yes i have to work hard on this too. hahaha

the 1 left is so so lah. i know it would be in that level of difficulty.

and why am i writing this? i loved re-reading how im stressed with my semester after i finished that particular semester haha. its somehow funny and it cheers me up. its like 'Tesa youve gone through all that! you can do another one again!' and since its my last semester, i guess ill be re-reading it even with a bigger smile, during my holiday. hahhaa. not holiday anymore, i guess. job searching. HIKS. 

okay ive been online too long i should start reading that auditing handbook. hahhaha.